Steve's Leaves

Lou Who 1½: Rut AKA Lou & ½ It's half a sequel to something I wrote for fun ———–— " HELLA! " "....hello, this is a recorded call from Blythe Channel Fundhaving Media," I said, wincing from the loudness of the person I called , "My name is Lou. How are you doing today?" "IS THIS OBAMA!" "Uh...no, sir. I'm Lou." "LOU WHO?" "Lou---" " SHAT THE FACK UP DALLY!! I'M ON DA GADDAM PHONE!! Sarry. Them's my wife. My names Jiggy. That's J as in Jenkins, I as in Adigitness," the man said before I hung up and started massaging my temples. I crave a cigarette so bad right now, but I'm on the clock and just got back from my second break ten minutes ago. If any employee takes a third in one shift, the manager would stuff himself inside his office iron maiden, something he made a point of showing when he got it a month ago. Besides, what I crave even more is sleep. The Trazodone ...

This is the first chapter of a story I've been working on for the past month and a half that I wrote mostly for my amusement and I'd like to know your thoughts on it. The story this chapter is from is called "Lou Who" and I hope you like it.     I've been alive for nine thousand, four hundred ninety-nine days and nine thousand, four hundred one of them can be described as mundane, typical, average and any other synonym for "meh." It wasn't until two and a half months ago that life as I knew it would then be described as surreal, freaky, nearly impossible and any other synonym for "what the fuck?!". I figure that's a good enough starting point as any for my story so I'll begin there.     People here in Nassau County, New York call me Lou. I work as a telemarketer during daylight hours, peddling the most inane shit to people that yell at me over the phone, things like phones shaped like penises, a microwave programmed to blurt o...